It's been an interesting month to say the least. Our whole entire course has been set anew. I am happy and looking towards the goal and the new path that has been set, yet troubled in some ways by the path that had already been laid behind me. I write the following for closure on this hurtful chapter in my life (quite different from "obsessing") and with it a great sense of freedom.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on. ~Robert Frost
Recently, I received a hurtful, mean, spiteful email from a former "friend." It made me doubt who I am, what kind of person, friend, Christian I am. No one wants to be in that place. No one wants to be taken down to the level of tears and heartache over who you are.
Yet, I am thankful that I got it because I was able to examine my thought process, my decision making and what I really want out of life; the path I am on etc...While I am not perfect (!) by any stretch of the imagination, the one quality I do possess is loyalty. G. K. Chesterton said, "We are all in the same boat in a stormy sea,and we owe each other a terrible loyalty." Perhaps it's because I am almost 100% Irish with a little tiny German thrown in there; Always remember to forget, the friends that proved untrue. But never forget to remember those that have stuck by you! ~ Irish proverb but I seem to hurt for a moment in time and have a great resolve to move on and forget the misfortunes that have afflicted me. This is a skill not easily mastered though one worth pursuing.
I am thankful at the end of the day for true, loyal friends - those who I know in person; some more than 30 years and going strong, those with whom I have been friends with for more than 10 years through the internet and my family for knowing my worth and validating that worth to me. Somebody close to me said, "Walk with your head held high and forget those who think they know what they are talking about. Deep down they are the ones who are truly hurting." There is a great deal of truth in that statement.
My profile for this blog reveals that this blog was started as my sanity in an insane situation - being hospitalized with my last child for two months and I say it is still my sanity. We live in a VERY politically correct world where most people are afraid to say what they are really feeling and even more afraid to stand up for themselves, defend their own decisions and walk proudly with their head held high. I made some mistakes, yes and have even taken the last week to seek out and make ammends to those with whom I have hurt, isolated or made to feel like an outsider. I, too, was once caught up in the high and mighty mentality, though I would not admit it at the time; it was more important to fit in than be put out. How very blind I was.
Woe to you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites; because you go round about the sea and the land to make one proselyte; and when he is made, you make him the child of hell twofold more than yourselves. St. Matthew 23:15
I was told I needed to seek counseling, "spiritual or otherwise." Judged by a person who has known me for a little time and understands me even less. The only consolation I can think of is that someday this person, and those with whom she surrounds herself will mature and see the world and those around them as what they are, imperfect creatures, created in God's image, striving to do their best; fallen in nature, but always picking themselves up and carrying on. It is still our christian duty to pray for those who have hurt you and to forgive. Everyone is carrying a weight that no one else will truly appreciate lest they walk a mile in that person's shoes. The hardest thing to do is pray for those who have offended you or hurt you, but prayer mends the heart and forgiveness is the only true path to spiritual growth.
I am counting down the days until August with great anticipation; not to escpae, but to start anew and do what God has planned for us. We prayed for him to open the doors and now He has. We need to grasp hold of His hand and have Him lead us and only seek to do His holy will, else nothing else makes sense.
"Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face." ~ Helen Keller
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