Forging ahead

Well with the close of yet another month and the winter in its dormant state filled with one gray day after another; at times choosing to allow sunshine to bring each of us out of our tepid state of mind - our family is diligently moving forward with our plans to move up north. Our original goal was to go up to Massachusetts August first of the this year, but there may be a possibility of moving it back one month because my oldest goes to camp in New Hampshire in July and the thoughts of two trips north while trying to pack is daunting at best. So we may be going up a month early and settling in around the first of July. Realtors have been contacted and the search is on to accommodate a family of 8 and four dogs. The dogs seem to be an obstacle at the moment as not many renters want to let a family of 8 AND their dogs stay at their property, for which I can completely understand. We are in the midst of a 30-day novena to good St. Joseph for whom I know will lend us a helping hand and sort out the details of the house rental.

I have taken on a full time job and have been working daily - I mean DAILY as in 7 days a week since January. It's been daunting. It's been exhausting, but I strive on knowing the money made will be going towards our goal this fall. It's been an adjustment for the children who have to entertain themselves and work hard on their studies before next fall with little help from me. I am thankful my oldest daughter, now a teenager is so responsible and helpful with the other children. The adjustment is felt by all, but we are all on the same page, most days anyhow. I have been known to threaten public school until we move to the kids on bad days, but they seem to get the message that we all need to pitch in and make this work. So I am thankful for that.

While I am happy and excited about the move I also have been revisited by my old friend anxiety and depression. I have been a sufferer for years now; most likely migraine induced depression - since the birth of my first child 13 years ago. I know it's a bit of a stigma and no one likes to talk about it. I have had friends email me privately and ask about antidepressants and the like because they don't feel comfortable talking about it in other circles. I think it's a shame to feel ashamed or the need to keep an illness like depression under wraps, but the reality is people don't want to talk about it; feel uncomfortable around those who suffer and really don't know what to do with depression sufferers as a whole. Most pull away; some hang around, but distance themselves, others can relate and those are the ones with whom you can unload and have a good cry with. Thank God for those in my life who have a broad shoulder. Coordinating a move is difficult and there are so many little factors. I can feel the rush of anxiety hit once to three times per day, but I know with God's help and the support of caring folks around us we'll make it to our destination and begin a new journey. I know the burden of schooling six children being lifted from my shoulders has already made a huge impact in my outlook on so many things. The world doesn't seem so dark and foreign anymore.

Asked if I will miss it here - I say no for now, but know I will miss the convenience of attending family functions and parties and the familiarity of all the things I know of my home state, but I look forward knowing we have made the correct decision for our family and know we'll be blessed by it.

“Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence.”
~ Og Mandino