Regarding the world of Traditionalism

I have wanted to blog about this topic for a long time now, but I was hesitant because I didn't want my bent to be out of bitterness or skewed in some way; I probably cannot escape the former at this point, but I will give it my best shot.

Since there are many people from all walks who read this blog, I'll give a brief (ha!) history of my own personal religious background before I delve into what I think is a rising problem within the world of "traditionalism". I was baptized in November 1978 at St. Rose Catholic Church. We were raised devout Catholics. Today, in the traditional circle in which we find ourselves I would probably have to preface that as saying, "We were raised devout Novus Ordo Catholic," but I digress. My parents were Eucharistic Ministers (gasp!), and part of the charismatic movement (gasp, faint), my brother was an altar boy. We moved from our little suburb to a more farming-type community. We attended a small Catholic church in town. Around the time that I turned 12 years old my parents decided to become Protestants; Independent, Fundamental Baptists to be exact. Polar opposites from the Holy Catholic Church. This was a strange new world with "altar calls" and a dunking tank for baptisms. Yes, I did make an altar call at 12 - not knowing any better and following my father who rose from his pew to go to the front of the church to "be saved." Yes, I did put on the white robe and step into the dunking tank to be re-baptized as I was told my Catholic baptism was not valid. Suddenly I had a second birthday, my date of natural birth and now my new "saved" date. Everyone wrote this in their Bibles - King James of course. The Holy Ghost did smile upon me though and I had a real saving grace by way of my first cousin. My uncle (my Dad's brother) would often let his daughter spend the weekend with us. He did insist, however, that she attend Mass on Sunday. Of course, I volunteered for this job every time she came to stay with us. When I stepped foot in the church and smelled the incense (they still used incense at this point) and saw the flickering candles (before electric ones took their place) and heard the beautiful hymns (before guitar solos took their place) I knew this is where I was meant to be. God would preserve me. The years went on. I dutifully attending Sunday school, Sunday morning service, youth group, Sunday evening services, Wednesday evening prayer meetings, missionary conferences, Bible conferences and so on. Every so often I would express my desire to return to the Catholic Church. This was always met with, "When you turn 18 you can do what you want." So I waited patiently for my 18th birthday. Of course I was still a senior in high school and I still was not allowed "to do what I want" because I was "still under their roof." Sadly, in February of my senior year my father passed away from an motor vehicle accident in the middle of the night. Everything seemed to unravel at this point. I still had to think about college through this nightmarish time. I wanted to go to New York and attend St. John's University. My mother, who now held the purse strings did not concur. I should have seen the writing on the wall when my older brother was denied his choice of colleges, University of Delaware, because my parents (I should say my mother) wanted him to go to Bob Jones University (!) instead. And so I was sat down and given a short list of colleges to choose from: Bob Jones, Liberty University, Pensacola Christian College and Cedarville College. All GARBC (General Association of Regular Baptists or garbage as I would like to say - sorry for my lack of charity, please insert humor). I picked what I thought to be the most liberal, Cedarville. I do not regret my days there because I made some wonderful friends with whom I still have contact with. I did get to see my dream fulfilled in my sophomore year when my mother allowed me to transfer to Queens, NY and go to St. John's. I lasted one semester. Firstly, because I could not afford it and secondly, because I missed my friends terribly. So back to Cedarville I went.

In my junior year my mother promptly informed me that she would no longer fund my college education. I suppose this was for the best as I was working on my last demerit before being kicked out anyway. At long last, after leaving Cedarville, I returned to the Catholic Church and was confirmed. I met my future husband in 1993 and we married in 1994 in the same Catholic Church for which I was baptized. We were quite happy and devout Catholics.

We had early on decided we were going to homeschool our children and in 2003 I was invited to a homeschool conference in Berlin, NJ. Little did I know that stepping foot in this conference would change the course of my life and the life of my family for the next 8 years. One of the seminars happened to be held in the chapel proper. As soon as I walked in I was brought back to my early years as a Catholic child; the faint smell of incense, the lit candles, the statues of our beloved Saints. Prior to this conference I never even knew there was a "Traditional Latin Mass." I had heard it once at our local parish; that a group of Latin Mass goers would temporarily be using our little church for Mass until their chapel was finished. I assumed it was a group of Latinos.

At any rate, I started attending Wednesday evening Mass at the Traditional Latin Parish in Berlin. Soon our entire family would join in early 2003. I was a bit like a fish out of water. I didn't dress the same as the other women and I felt a bit out of place at times. Soon I would get to know some families. Soon I was handed pamphlets in a non discreet manner informing me of the importance of wearing a chapel veil on my head during Mass and why it was good and holy to wear only skirts and dresses. After reading and giving ample thought and seeing the example of some of the Pius families I began to fit in; wearing my chapel veil and switching from pants to skirts and dresses.

I saw many families come and go over the years at this Parish. Many had a falling out with our priest, some no longer felt a Diocesan Latin Mass was good enough and moved on to holier places of worship. There were many falling outs. I thought this a strange phenomenon, but we hung in there, being swept away with the current of the Traditional community. These folks would soon become as a second family to us.

I should now state that there is a line to be drawn before proceeding further. There is the beauty, holiness and reverence of the Tridentine Mass. This we shall never leave. For us there is nothing like it - the simple reverence shown to Our Lord at Mass each Sunday is enough to keep coming back. I do attend a Novus Ordo Mass here and there when times conflict or we are away. On the other side of the line there is the Traditional community.

The community for which we found ourselves had many, many blessings and many, many heartaches. As time marched on I found myself in a bit of a quandary. My feet ached daily. I was being worked up for multiple sclerosis. I saw my general physician who informed me I needed a cortisone shot in my heel and I needed to start wearing sneakers with more foot support to heal the damaged heels. You see, at this point I had been in my sensible "traddie shoes" for several years. Since I am not a girl who likes Birkenstocks, I would wear trouser hose and flat shoes. This ruined my feet. I did receive the shot, I did start wearing the sneakers and I did go back to wearing pants. Why you ask? Because I didn't want to look like a baptist missionary in my jeans skirt and sneaks. Yes, I know - pride goeth before the fall and what a fall I would soon take for this decision.

I started to re-evaluate why I was doing everything I was doing for the past five years. I started speaking out for the good and charitable folks that I personally knew who attended the Novus Ordo. This was not at all accepted or welcomed and when you couple this with my new attire (I even had a parishioner comment on my facebook on a picture of me wearing jeans, "This is not your usual attire." True story) I started to hear the whispers, the rumblings and most of all the silence. I can't completely say I blame them for I had once been in their shoes. Embarrassingly I had also been that person who was the shunnER. I look back on how swept up in the Pharisee-mentality and I am ashamed. Now I was the one on the other side. It didn't feel too good. I felt like the Amish woman who asked for a driver's license and a new Mercedes Benz; "Will you still be wearing your bonnet when you put the top down on the benz?" The more I re-evaluated my reasons for my decisions the more I saw myself on the outside of the community. Not everyone, but enough to make an impact on my life.

I happened upon this Catholic forum and a particular post caught my eye. The anonymous poster stated the following:

Among traditionalists, there is unfortunately an air of superiority and commonly a lack of Charity. The reasons for it are many but it mainly boils down to a common thread: folks who "left the novus ordo" did so because they were dismayed at the abuses not only in the liturgy but in the teaching of the Faith. At the places where they found the old Mass, they usually found solid doctrine being preached as well. In such an environment certain unfortunate attitudes will be developed, and certain less-than-ideal modes of discourse will arise with our "less enlightened" Catholic brethren who have not yet followed us to "the true Mass." Again, I'm putting this in terms common to the traddies.

So I was particularly struck by this sermon from Audio Sancto -- given by a "trad" priest and aimed at trad Catholics -- when I heard it:

Conquer Your Inner Pharisee With Humility and Meekness

In it, the priest (who preaches missions and retreats all around the country) addresses the Pharisaical attitude that is common among many trads and exhorts us to realize this weakness and overcome it.

Long story short: I think that anyone who calls themselves a traditional Catholic should listen to this sermon at least three times a year. We might "have more" than others, but more will be demanded of us. And if we don't have Charity... then which Mass we attend will make no difference in the final analysis.

I find this to be quite true, unfortunately. Another poster said this, "And no, this does *NOT* mean every Catholic before Vatican II was a Pharisee. Being a Pharisee involves taking a rigorist view of the Church and expecting every Catholic to conform to it." This hit the nail on the head. Catholic come in all shapes and sizes. No one truly knows the heart of others, but if you don't allow yourself to get past their exterior to see what is in their heart you are just as bad as the Pharisees for whom Christ condemned. I remember the scene from the 70's mini-series, "Jesus of Nazareth" when Christ wanted to dine with Matthew and his disciples desperately tried to keep him from going to his home for He might become unclean, defiled. From my experience I can see this same mentality. I truly believe that some folks in the traditional community have their head in the right place, but their hearts and souls have no charity and without charity we are nothing. I had to be taught this lesson by walking a mile in the shoes of those for whom I personally shunned.

After I hit "publish" on my blog, a good friend sent me this link. Instead of quoting from it I will simply post the link here. Read it, especially if you fall into the sad category of those anygry trads.

The Tridentine Mass itself will always be the choice for us. I am proud that my children will be attending a Traditional Catholic School, taught by nuns in habits and brothers in robes. Again, there is a line - there is the Mass and then there is the community. Within the community there is a sub-community. I hope to never be swept again into the sub-community who try to do the right thing, but in their pursuit are blinded by the greater picture and lose their sense of charity one towards another. I will not chase after those who walk in their own righteousness just to have a feeling of belonging. This isn't being true to myself.

I am adding this paragraph as an addendum because I came across something very interesting tonight and it made me think of this blog post. It's on the subject of cults (this may very well be another blog in and of itself, but for now I will add this short quip). I was reading an article on cults and this one paragraph sort of blew me away. A group is called a cult because of their behaviour - not their doctrines. Doctrine is an issue in the area of Apologetics and Heresy. Most religious cults do teach what the Christian church would declare to be heresy but some do not. Some cults teach the basics of the Christian faith but have behavioural patterns that are abusive, controlling and cultic. I found the paragraph on identifying the UNIVERSAL MARKS of a cult quite interesting and scary-eery. A) The group will have an ELITIST view of itself in relation to others, and a UNIQUE CAUSE. e.i. THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES RIGHT - everyone else is wrong. THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES DOING GOD'S WILL - everyone else is in apostasy. (B) They will promote their cause actively, and in doing so, abuse God-given personal rights and freedoms. This abuse can be THEOLOGICAL, SPIRITUAL, SOCIAL & PSYCHOLOGICAL.

I'll have to continue this train of thought at another time, but it is food for thought at the very least.

I walk away from my eight years in our beautiful little Chapel in Berlin with much more knowledge and armor for the years ahead:
- first fulfill my vocation as wife and mother
- keep an arms length and no not be swept along with the current
- keep a real sense of charity in my heart and learn to look past the exterior and instead look into the heart of a person.

I walk away not looking back, with a better understanding of myself, what I believe and hopefully a good dose of charity in my heart.